Save your kiss, grant a wish

I want to text you at 11.11 every day.

I want to visit our little boy and cuddle him together.

I want 3 hour phone calls.

I want to hang out and take silly photos, then take sweet ones.

I want to have film nights.

I want to cuddle until we fall asleep, and wake up again.

I want to sit surrounded by candles and drink wine until everything is funny.

Cos in this world full of fucked up romances, no-one does it better. We dance together under starlit skies when everything caves in on us. Then it's back to our lives.

Being this way means having happiness in 3 hour doses, then being hollowed out once again. But I'll never want it any other way. Because I'm never so alive as when I miss you. Except when I kiss you.

I made this for myself. We don't need each other any more. Life could go on forever this way, and everything would work out fine. But sometimes, some mornings, when the sunlight hits just right, and the breeze blows through the window over waking skin, and the bed feels just that little bit empty, something will always be missing.

I don't want love. I burned it alive. I can't make it come back no matter how hard I try.

I want you to need me. I want to be your shoulder. I want to be that voice on the other end of the line that tells you it'll all be fine.

Because we know we'll never be happy together, we'll never have the love we had.

Ex lovers till the end, better off as friends.

Let me play my part
Together we'll mend your heart.

"It's like falling down a mountain really slowly"

I'm tired but awake.

Tomorrow I will be entrusting my lush hair to Worthy who will be getting rid of most of it. Maybe. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with my face being on display at the moment. I have spots and a mystery mark on my forehead. I might give it a week before I do anything.

Lily, you're prettier than Ferret x 1,000,001. Always love you more than anyone. You know it. Pinkies for being bests till death.

xxo

Snails see the benefits, the beauty in every inch of life

Good things that have happened to me today:


1. I got paid. Meaning I can now use my card to buy new t-shirts.

2. I slept in late, even if it was on a two-seater couch. I slowly built up a collection of quilts/coats/sheets throughout the night, so by like 9am, I was very toasty.

3. I didn't smoke.

4. I found my old Famous tee that I bought from Kyle, which has been missing for months, which ruled cos it's one of my favourite shirts and I thought it was gone forever.

5. My mum found my ring that was given to me by my BFF, which I also thought had disappeared forever.

6. I saw the HTL video for 'Save your breath', and it's rad.

7. I found out that Worthy didn't really win 60 grand on a scratchcard, which is a good thing because that motherfucker can already write better than me, and the last thing I need is his ass getting rich on us. But seriously, if it was true, I'd be happy for the guy.

8. Once I opened and used my new toothpaste, my mouth felt like a million dollars (see Bad things).


Bad things that have happened to me today:


1. My lips are dry and awful, and I can't find my moisturiser

2. I bought new toothpaste, and it took me about 5 minutes to get into it.

3. I just this second lost my plectrum inside my guitar.

4. I wanted to order the Fireworks EP, but the webstore sucks so I couldn't.

5. Lily is being reclusive again. Lily free days are bad days.

6. I got blood on my brand new Volcom tee, and I'm not sure if blood washes out.


I feel like today has been quite a good day, but I wanted to weigh it up to make sure.

xxo

Currently listening to: The Format - Dog Problems

This isn't over

So I didn't think it would happen, but love can change a person. I knew underneath it all, nothing's really changed.

I did something I haven't done in a long time today. It felt strange looking at the past. Nowadays we're looking at the future and wondering if it's going to happen at all.

What happened to the times when I could say anything? Now I'm the shy nervous one you used to be.

You're my worst kept secret and you'll never be a mistake.

Guess I'm back to writers block.

xxo

Tip your glass

Love written on hands with ink that pens dreams, and sealed with a kiss.

Tomorrow doesn't matter. Tonight we shine. Smash the clock cos these moments last forever.

We're the kids you love to hate and wish to be. We see the jealousy in your eyes and we feed on it. Stand up and say you didn't feel the sunlight in your veins when that first chord rang out. This is your town, and we're taking over.

Songs written to the beat of crushed hearts, from lungs to lips to the grille to your ears. We sing of our unbreakable friendship and hands that clasp across burning bridges. I've got your back. When your voice gives out, you know mine is the next one they're gonna hear.

We might get old, we might be forgotten, but we'll always be golden.

xxo

Just an interval.

Just a bridge between broken romances.

Just a fuck.

What am I to you?

xxo

I know we're gonna shine

Looking my worst when the past comes knocking. But she didn't think so.

We keep dancing until we realise the music stopped a long time ago.

Under the covers two years seems like a second. Smash open the clock and find those lost moments.

Soft spoken secrets from lips shut tight. Let our hips do the talking.

It's always too soon for you to leave. I watch you out of sight but my feet don't carry me after you. Just sit tight and let the winds blow you back to me.

Wake up in love, go to sleep happy.

xxo

edit: I love you

Update on Summer

I said I'd post again about this weekend and how rad it was.

So Friday daytime was pretty uneventful. I was in Manchester most of the day wandering around various shops looking for nice Hurley stuff (unsuccessfully), and Transformers comics. I love spending time in Forbidden Planet (my haunt for comic books, action figures, and all manner of fun stuff) because it's the only shop I know where you can browse as long as you like without being asked by some assistant if you're ok. I hate that shit. Got home eventually and went through my usual ritual for getting ready to hit the town, i.e. not showering, not changing my underwear, finding the best t-shirt I can in my pile of un-ironed crap, and making my hair look awesome. Took the bus to Wigan, oh yeh I forgot, I don't have a ride anymore, I think it happened because I like having some money left when I get paid. So anyway, caught the bus pretty late, cos I was headed to the OTR show and they were headlining. Got there and they'd been moved back on the bill, so I only caught the last song. Pretty bummed, but I got a shout out when I walked in so the whole club ends up looking at this skinny little white kid singing 'show me unbreakable' like it's '309' at a fuckin Hit The Lights show.

Everyone hung out afterwards. I love how we're a gang. Whenever we're all out together, no one can touch us. We're the shining light in the dark and the coolest kids in the room. I'm really lucky in that respect. We're hanging out, and Kyle starts talking to this chick, and honestly, she came up to about chest height on the rest of us, and wasn't much of a looker to be honest. Ok, she was pretty much a troll, what with the height issue and everything. We headed back to Kyles place in Manchester, eventually, after Worthy went completely the wrong way on the motorway. Sat around and talked about stuff for hours, then everyone except Kyle, Rowney and me went home. I slept in the corridor along with Rowney, while Kyle and the troll chick (her name was Jane, I remembered) slept in his room. As was to be expected, about 5 minutes later I heard the rhythmic creaking and moans that told me Kyle had got lucky, although I use the term very loosely in relation to the girl in question. So this goes on for about an hour (applause), and I couldn't get to sleep at all. Then all of a sudden it stops, and the door opens. I look up, expecting to either see either Kyle looking pleased with himself, or Jane looking worn out. Instead, I'm greeted with Kyle, naked from the waist down, with an erection. As I dived under my covers to hide from this awful apparition, I heard him say, 'I'm gonna fuckin throw up'. After getting over the initial shock of seeing my best friends wang staring at me, I started laughing my ass off at him through the bathroom door. When he came out again, he at least had the sense to cover his balls while he went back to his room for, as I heard from him the next day, the funniest sex he'd ever had.

We all woke up around 11 on Saturday morning. Having had about 3 hours sleep thanks to Rowney snoring (despite my efforts to stop him by throwing a towel, a lighter, and both my shoes at him) I didn't do much aside from sit on Kyles bed, too tired even to be grossed out by what I might have been sitting in. Tom hit us up saying his house was free and did we want to hang, so we dragged our asses up and made the trip to the bus stop. Rolled to Toms in Rowneys new car. Not bad even though he does drive too fast. Ate barbecue and had general fun time when we got there. Kyle invited the short chick and her friends round. They were quiet and a bit odd really. When me and Worthy started singing and playing guitar they requested a bunch of songs we didn't know. Night finished with me finishing off my second bottle of wine and passing out on the couch.

Sunday I got woken up by the random chicks messing about on Myspace. Sat in the back garden with Tom and Worthy enjoying the sunshine. Kyle and Rowney eventually woke up and joined us, then argued about who had to take the 'visitors' home. Rowney lost and Kyle went with him while me and Tom ate chicken. When Kyle got back we decided to go shopping. When we were in Asda we all thought it would be an awesome idea to buy wifebeaters. So we did. I kinda liked mine but I'm sort of too skinny to wear it well. Hung at Kyles the rest of the day and watched Stranger Than Fiction. Seriously one of the best films I've seen in ages, you should all watch it. I lay in Kyles spare bed the whole time. Not been that relaxed in ages.

Pretty much the best weekend I've had for a very long time. Absolutely no stress, I just felt totally happy and content. It's a blessing to have friends who can do that for you.

xxo

Currently listening to: Four Year Strong - So Hot And You Sweat On It

edit: I started writing this Wednesday morning and I've just finished it now, Thursday night. I've got a few things I want to say that wouldn't fit well into this post so I'll update later tonight.