I'm not sure exactly how many people read this. It's probably more than I think. Mainly though, my audience consists of my close friends. So for those of you that don't know me as well as the five people that matter the most, here are ten things you should know about me.
1. My name is Chris. But there are only four people who call me that, and are important enough for me to care (well, three now). The rest call me Cowley. So will you.
2. My favourite things in the world are music, comics, and the five people i mentioned before. Everything else that I enjoy is encompassed in some way by these things. Except for cheese.
3. I am currently studying for an honours degree in Business and Marketing. After this I will become incredibly successful. This will have nothing to do with the degree.
4. I have a problem with manic depression. I don't care if you think I'm attention seeking or being overdramatic. It's a fact. I get over it most of the time. So should you.
5. If you don't like Fall Out Boy then I don't like you.
6. I was listening to Fireworks and Four Year Strong while you were still messing with the peak on your New Era at that Bring Me The Horizon show. Don't front.
7. Six simple words. My. Friends. Are. Funnier. Than. Yours.
8. I find one girl out of a thousand attractive. This is a pointless fact since when I do find that girl I lack the basic social skills to talk to her.
9. I'm not a geek. I'm a nerd. Nerds are smart.
10. I rarely conclude journal posts.
xxo
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Bros before hos
Sometimes, when you love someone, you become a fool for them. It's happened to me, and I'm sure it's happened to you. It made me forget how important my friends are to me, and why they're my friends in the first place. They're always there to look out for me. Being the stubborn little kid that I am, I forgot that sometimes, in fact most of the time, my friends do know what's best for me. When people tell you all the time that you should move on and forget about someone you love, you block it out at first. Eventually though, it starts to get through, and you start to see the sense in what they've been saying.
It seems like I've been stuck in this loop forever. It's always the same old story, and I always end up disappointed and frustrated with myself for letting it happen again, for allowing someone to string me along. Every time my friends tell me that I should get out before it happens again. It never sunk in until now that they might be onto something.
xxo
It seems like I've been stuck in this loop forever. It's always the same old story, and I always end up disappointed and frustrated with myself for letting it happen again, for allowing someone to string me along. Every time my friends tell me that I should get out before it happens again. It never sunk in until now that they might be onto something.
xxo
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
As another year draws to a close, I think we can all look back and say.....
Seriously, you really think I'd start writing with that cliched piece of bullshit?
I'm probably expected to write some giant retrospective on the past 12 months. If you're looking for a guide to what has actually happened in my day to day life, then this journal won't have worked very well for you. If you want to know what it is that resides inside my head alongside my brain and all those pictures of boobs, then it still won't be of much use. The fact is there's so much going on behind my eyes that I can't even begin to put it into words. Occasionally things float to the surface, and when they do, you get to hear about them. That's pretty much how this year has been for me. Looking back, it just seems like one big mess. Nothing really jumps out at me. Occasionally I will remember things, but nothing sticks in my mind. I know that it's been a good year, because I've changed and grown. I'm not who I was on January 1st, and for myself, I am a better person. Yes, it has been a good year, but not a memorable one.
Enough of that though, I'm saving it. What I really want to talk about tonight is death.
It's a harsh fact of life that a lot of people are going to die this coming year. I don't know why this thought entered my head today, but it did, and it led to another thought. Who will those people be?
When someone dies it affects someone elses life, everybody knows that. I've been lucky enough in my lifetime to have never experienced the death of someone that truly mattered to me. I've only ever been to one funeral, and they've puzzled me ever since. It was the funeral of a kid from my high school. I never really talked to the guy, he was never even really nice to me. I only went because half the school did. I just remember wearing black because that's what you did, and I alsdo remember how fake the whole thing was. Every stood there inside the church and a few people got upset, but when we got outside, it was like a reunion. I hated that, and I left straightaway. To this day I've always promised myself that if I know I'm going to die, I'll write a guestlist for my funeral so no one fake can sneak in.
Most of the people who influence me are dead. Ernest Hemingway, Jack Kerouac, both people who inspired me to write, both dead. I can't help thinking that one of my living inspirations might join the list this year, and what effect this might have. Will they be glorified, remembered, or will they pass unnoticed, unappreciated. Am I the only one to whom they have true meaning?
The uncertainty is what people fear about death the most, but it is also it's most curious quality.
My dad has recently come out of hospital. He was in there to have a heart bypass operation. Everything went fine and he's home now, but while he was still in hospital, I was scared that I was going to lose him. This fear of death has made me a lot closer to him. Sometimes even something so dark can come with a blessing.
The death of this past year has given life to a whole host of curiosity and new uncertainties. But that's what being human is all about. If we didn't feel uncertainty about death, we wouldn't be able to truly feel alive.
xxo
Currently listening to: February Air - Lights
Seriously, you really think I'd start writing with that cliched piece of bullshit?
I'm probably expected to write some giant retrospective on the past 12 months. If you're looking for a guide to what has actually happened in my day to day life, then this journal won't have worked very well for you. If you want to know what it is that resides inside my head alongside my brain and all those pictures of boobs, then it still won't be of much use. The fact is there's so much going on behind my eyes that I can't even begin to put it into words. Occasionally things float to the surface, and when they do, you get to hear about them. That's pretty much how this year has been for me. Looking back, it just seems like one big mess. Nothing really jumps out at me. Occasionally I will remember things, but nothing sticks in my mind. I know that it's been a good year, because I've changed and grown. I'm not who I was on January 1st, and for myself, I am a better person. Yes, it has been a good year, but not a memorable one.
Enough of that though, I'm saving it. What I really want to talk about tonight is death.
It's a harsh fact of life that a lot of people are going to die this coming year. I don't know why this thought entered my head today, but it did, and it led to another thought. Who will those people be?
When someone dies it affects someone elses life, everybody knows that. I've been lucky enough in my lifetime to have never experienced the death of someone that truly mattered to me. I've only ever been to one funeral, and they've puzzled me ever since. It was the funeral of a kid from my high school. I never really talked to the guy, he was never even really nice to me. I only went because half the school did. I just remember wearing black because that's what you did, and I alsdo remember how fake the whole thing was. Every stood there inside the church and a few people got upset, but when we got outside, it was like a reunion. I hated that, and I left straightaway. To this day I've always promised myself that if I know I'm going to die, I'll write a guestlist for my funeral so no one fake can sneak in.
Most of the people who influence me are dead. Ernest Hemingway, Jack Kerouac, both people who inspired me to write, both dead. I can't help thinking that one of my living inspirations might join the list this year, and what effect this might have. Will they be glorified, remembered, or will they pass unnoticed, unappreciated. Am I the only one to whom they have true meaning?
The uncertainty is what people fear about death the most, but it is also it's most curious quality.
My dad has recently come out of hospital. He was in there to have a heart bypass operation. Everything went fine and he's home now, but while he was still in hospital, I was scared that I was going to lose him. This fear of death has made me a lot closer to him. Sometimes even something so dark can come with a blessing.
The death of this past year has given life to a whole host of curiosity and new uncertainties. But that's what being human is all about. If we didn't feel uncertainty about death, we wouldn't be able to truly feel alive.
xxo
Currently listening to: February Air - Lights
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