I'm glad

I'm glad you don't cry any more. Because that was why I got upset. Knowing that it was me who made you cry. Most relationships fall apart because two people just stop working, but when it came to us, it was all my fault.

I always knew that you'd eventually forget me, and that you'd be able to laugh about it with someone else. How your awful ex messed you around. How he calls you up all the time because he can't let go.

I'm glad you're done with me. Every time I saw you, it all came flooding back. Actually, I realised that it had been there all the time. When I thought I was getting over you, I was just repressing. I know that I'll never really move on. The few people that I let get even a little close to me, I pushed away, because to get over this, I need to find another you. I need to find your wit, your eyes, your voice, your hair. Spending my night finding fault with everyone in the room. I don't know if I do it because I'm looking for you, or if I just don't want anyone to get close to me again.

Has it really been three years? When people ask me about you, I can never tell them how long is since we were together. I can't really remember being truly happy. I do have happy memories, but I've been down for a long long time. Haha, I sound like a 'depressed' little teenager.

We did grow up, maybe that's the problem. You had to grow up faster than I did. Now that I have, you've already moved on. I wish we'd met this year. Two kids going through university together, graduating, building a life. I could say that someone else is living my fairy tale right now, but I would never have made it that far.

I still kid myself that it'll be our little girl that will be called Lily, but I know deep down that she's just going to be mine.

The hang-ups never lasted long, the evil stares never made contact. We never meant the fuck yous, and we both always cared. I know these things happen, but we were right for each other. If we weren't then I would never have loved you so much. We didn't work because of me, because I was a child, and I didn't think. My mistakes ended it. I think that's why it's you that moved on first, because you don't have anything to blame yourself for. We're both on opposite sides of Take This To Your Grave.

With every breath you wished my body would be broken.

When I catch fire, you wouldn't piss to put me out.

You hope I wrap my car around a tree.

But my teeth will never look so great next to anyone else's makeup.

I'm so glad you're not done writing your poems. I always get that funny little feeling when I think they're about me, even though they probably aren't.

Here I go again. I'm sorry. From here on out it's nothing but heartfelt little entries about that mystery girl, the one I'll love until the end of time.

xxo

Currently listening to: Stay With Me - Rod Stewart and the Faces